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Believe Yourself Above All Else, But Here Are Some Tips From Me!

I’m Just Not Available for That

by | February 1, 2018 | Designing Your Business

I don’t think I’m alone in feeling a massive upleveling in my energy field.

I do know that I’ve created for myself a unique ‘container of support’ this year for my own growth. This includes a new coaching program, and lots of structures for honoring my soul in a big way.

This is mode of creating not new for me. The way I’ve grown my business is to hire the right support so that I have a container in which to BE SEEN in a new way, which causes me to see myself in a new way that creates the growth I seek.

Some years it’s massive business and revenue growth. Other years its growth in deepening my relationships, or honoring my health, or being BETTER at the work I do (I think this is important to me every year! Probably you too).

But what I’ve come to know is that without creating a container of support for myself, one in which I can truly BE SEEN in new ways that challenge the old beliefs of the past, I do not grow at the same pace. I get stagnant and bored, and recreate old problems that feel like groundhog day.

With the right container, the right coach, the right community, I see myself in new ways and the energy shift is immediate. I am available for a whole new possibility.

But there is a flip side to this.

When you create a container for a powerful upleveling of your outcomes, you absolutely must shift your energy to field to match this new outcome. You can’t do the same thing and create a different result, right?

To BECOME AVAILABLE for the new outcome, you must put yourself in energetic alignment with the resources, opportunities, ideas and actions that will get you the new outcome.

In order to do this, you must let go of that which is NOT in energetic alignment with where you are going.

This is tricky. (I’ll share what’s been up for me in a minute).

Time and again when the rubber meets the road, this where people fail.

It gets disguised in other ways (I taught about this not too long ago in my Cycle of Proving video) that make it look like something REAL is blocking from your goal, but the truth is that nine times out of ten that REAL-looking thing came up as a nice way to avoid actually shifting your energy. Have you ever noticed that every time you make a commitment to focus on yourself, for example, someone suddenly NEEDS you? Like to the point that you would look like a bad daughter (or sister or son or spouse) if you didn’t come to the rescue? Yes, exactly.

Or perhaps your REAL blocks hit in your checkbook. An unexpected expense that makes you doubt the financial feasibility of your ideas. These things are actually occurring in your life, yet what you are making them mean is NOT REAL. You don’t absolutely have to be the rescuer, and a surprise expense does not mean financial ruin, it only feels that way.

And it is all part of this process of upleveling.

See, when you are still entertaining old energy conversations, ideas, people, or circumstances in your life, you are simply not available for the new energy. The resources, opportunities, ideas and actions that are aligned with where you want to go CANNOT REACH YOU until you let go of those old energy patterns. Period.

One of my favorite Universal Laws is the Law of Sacrifice. We must sacrifice something of a lower nature in favor of something of a higher nature. It’s one of my favorites and also one of the most challenging to honor.

There is a discipline required to take your life to the next level. If you create the space for the new possibility and then don’t actually BECOME that person, nothing happens.

Imagine that you want to be interviewed on major media, for example. You begin to imagine what that would be like, and who you need to be to be the kind of person who is sought out for interviews. You think about what that feels like and how you look and carry yourself, etc.

Then you imagine what types of conversations that version of you would engage in. And where they would hang out, and what they would do for fun.

And you think, hmmm, that person probably wouldn’t complain. They probably wouldn’t be constantly wondering about what other people think of them. They likely wouldn’t gossip – they’d ‘keep it clean’ in terms of their communication. They would likely invest their time and energy into mastering their topic and being prepared to talk about it at any time… by actually talking about it. A lot. They would have the appropriate wardrobe, haircut, etc. They would LIVE the message they preach.

Then you think about, ok based on that, WHAT WOULD THAT PERSON NO LONGER AVAILABLE FOR?

Well they would eliminate gossipy and complainy friends. Either by no longer associating with them, or proactively shifting those conversations. They would likely do an integrity inventory and clean up any conversations that are hanging out there that haven’t been had, so they can restore their integrity. They would stop putting in time in conversations that don’t interest them, because the topics that do are too important. They would be OK looking their absolute best even if others don’t.

This list could go on, right?

To become available for what you want, there will be very specific conversations, activities, and even people you will no longer be available for.

And if you are anything like me, historically the ‘good girl’ and people pleaser, you might be tempted to judge yourself harshly for that. WHO ARE YOU TO… BE ALL THAT?

So as I set my intentions for 2018 and began to feel into the vision of what I want to create, I asked myself these same questions. Who would I have to BE to step fully into the next level of leadership that is calling my name?

And to be clear, I don’t have all the details of what that will even LOOK LIKE. I don’t have a ton of specific measurable goals this year. But I do have a vision of the mission I’m meant to lead and who I am meant to become in the process, that will make way for the next set of specific measurable goals.

But to BE the person I know is inside me, here is the word that came up. I need to be AMAZING.

To lead the mission of having the process of transformation be a normal part of our culture as human beings, and for the majority of the people in the developed world to attend a retreat each year (to start!), I need to be amazing. Because it’s a big mission.

Being amazing, according to Merriam-Webster, is causing astonishment, great wonder, or surprise.

So this instantly confronting for me for two reasons.

  1. I was often one of the smartest kids in the class growing up and I noticed how my being ‘astonishingly’ smart made others feel bad. So much so that I quickly learned to tone it down. “Don’t show off,” I learned.
  2. And then we have causing great wonder or surprise. As a kid all I wanted was for people to actually do what they said they were going to do. Period. Surprise was not a great thing for me.

Combining these two things, being amazing feels pretty painful. No one will like you, people will feel bad, people will be surprised by what you do and this will hurt them.

As a result, as a leader in my business I have often wanted to bring people along with me, sure to explain everything along the way and help them to feel safe. Which, I love transparency and that is not a bad thing. But taking everyone with me is not in alignment with being amazing.

I am smart and lots of things come easily for me. Lots of things are also VERY challenging. Yet I’ve done the work of alignment, and optimized my business for my strengths. I have done this, because I am amazing. The commitment to alignment is downright amazing.

Because here’s the truth. People will always interpret what you choose to do through their own filter anyway. If they are committed to being disappointed when other let them down, they will view your changing as a disappointment to them. (I had a client who once got upset when she cut my hair because it was such a surprise to her!) If they are committed to feeling inadequate, however much you downplay your skills, they will find a reason to feel inadequate.

Think about this!

Here we are are, so many people every single day, holding back to make others feel happy, or comfortable, or better about themselves, or to avoid triggering their insecurities or fears. Yet THEY are actually responsible for those things.

And a person looking for evidence of their fear will find it, NO MATTER HOW SMALL YOU MAKE YOURSELF. And vice-versa. If someone wants to be happy they will see happiness in you, and they will see it as evidence of what’s possible for them. And they will take responsibility for working on any part of themselves that might feel threatened by your joy.

So what do you?

You shine! Be all of you no matter what, because you can’t control them anyway.

So here is your assignment.

Ask yourself, given who you know you are becoming, what are you no longer available for?

For me I had two things:

  1. I am no longer available for heaviness. It is totally OK for someone to experience the full range of human emotions, I can be with all of that, but I will not be enrolled in your heaviness. Spinning in fear and seriousness is way too heavy for my soul that loves freedom. I have too much joy to experience to make space for that. Even the worst of situations I’ve experienced can be approached with levity and a touch of humor. I get that not everybody thinks or believes that, and that is OK, but I’m not available for them. (Full disclosure this makes my stomach clench just a little bit because I am aware that this means I’m excluding myself from many human conversations).
  2. I am no longer available for conversations with people who are not fully committed to honoring their Truth. If you see your Truth and you run from it, you will experience the pain of that. And I don’t want to be enrolled into your drama. I have extraordinary love and patience (might I say AMAZING love and patience) for someone on the journey to finding their Truth. We are systematically conditioned to ignore our Truth and often judged when we find it, so I completely get it when you don’t see it. Hell, I didn’t even know I was gay until I was 39 years old because the thought was so scary for me, so I have no space to judge. But once I did know, you damn well better believe I acted on that knowing, with urgency. If we walk through the fire to find your Truth and you let your fear win and shove it back in the closet, I no longer have space for that. It’s OK, I get it, comfort is, well, comfortable. But I choose to surround myself with badass human beings who are about more than that.

The moment I defined what I was no longer available for, guess what happens? These things came up in droves! Heavy conversations, slippery egos, hiding from the truth, and all the resulting emotions of this. All triggering my, “I’m a bad person to want more than this in my life.” This stuff will happen. For everyone. (Cycle of Proving!)

And then it becomes time, one by one, to proactively decide what gets your attention. Aligning with your Truth is not for the faint of heart. Will you be hooked back into old conversations, or will you find the courage to say, “I’m just not available for that!”?

I’d love to hear… what conversations are you no longer available for?

If you’d like some support in getting clear about WHO YOU ARE BEING this year, join me for our new training on Friday, Being Retreat Leader: The 5 Distinctions that will deepen your retreat results and quite possibly change your life  LINK

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